I, like many people my age, have spent the majority of my adult life telling myself that I was not allowed to slow down. Whether it was school, family, relationships, friendships, or work, there was always a goal to be met. The only way for me to meet those goals was to keep hustling. I remember there was a period during my senior year that I went to school full time, worked two part-time jobs, and two internships while trying to maintain a long term relationship, family, and friendships. I definitely did not manage all of this flawlessly. There were a few breakdowns, plenty of tears, and quite a few bottles of wine (don’t judge). But, hey, I made it through it, right?
Well, the simple answer is yes. I made it through the most crucial time of my life and I reached all of the goals I set for myself. I graduated cum laude, I was offered my dream job, I had an amazing boyfriend, and my relationship with my family and friends was wonderful. So why was I still having breakdowns? Why was I still going through significant mood swings? Why was I still so unhappy?
I hadn’t realized that while I was going through the motions, I was neglecting what I really needed: Self-care.
When I say self-care, I’m not talking about face masks, meditation, or relaxing. I did all of these things and I did them very often. I practiced the textbook version of self-care. These practices definitely helped, but for me, they became a short term fix. It got so bad, I started to think I was experiencing depression or depressive episodes. I didn’t know what was happening.
For months, I tried to implement more self-care into my routines. I never stopped my hustling, but I started working out, eating right, and reading motivational books. I definitely felt an improvement in my mood. I finally got into a groove. Then COVID-19 hit the US.
The first few weeks into quarantine, I felt myself slipping back into old habits. I stopped working out as often, I ate whatever I wanted, and I indulged in social media.
God has a funny way of slowing us down even when we don’t know how. Ready or not, when it’s time to sit your butt down, the Lord will make you do it. Once I realized this, I also began to understand that there were a lot of emotions I had avoided until that point. The truth is I really wasn’t taking care of myself. When we’re going through the motions, we feel we don’t have time to unpack, reflect, and learn ourselves. For me, I patched unresolved feelings and situations with face masks and bottles of wine. Because of this quarantine, I now understand that there is no amount of meditation that will help without facing my problems face on.
The true version of self-care begins with self-discovery. It’s uncomfortable, raw, and honest. But if you don’t know who you are, how can you know how to take care of yourself? I would love to say that self-discovery is a one-time deal, but as humans change and evolve so much. What works for you now may not work later. It’s a constant cycle of learning, adjusting and relearning. But, for me, it has been the most eye-opening period of my life so far. I believe it is so worth it.
I encourage anyone reading this to take this time out to figure who you are and your desires. Unpack your insecurities and vulnerabilities. Understand your flaws. Then, plan your self-care accordingly. Whether that be a day to yourself with no human interaction or distancing yourself from relationships that aren’t serving you, do what is best for YOU.
